Why Baby Reindeer Is An Important Watch

You must wonder when the time will come that I recommend a TV series without the disclaimer that it's "a bit dark". Today is not that day. <Insert all trigger warnings here>.

Despite “uncomfortable”, “harrowing” and “disturbing” frequently being the adjectives deployed to describe Netflix’s Baby Reindeer, it has careered into number one on the streaming chart and comfortably nestles there. Based on a true story, it is of course, designed for entertainment, but the plethora of issues that it explores offers food for thought to those paying attention to the messaging - maybe not an education, but certainly a unique set of circumstances for the ol’ noggin to untangle.

Let’s make a start.

It tackles gender stereotypes, misogyny, toxic masculinity, and gender identity, all in one go. The male protagonist - Donny - is stalked by a lonely female. His mates in the bar he works in ridicule him for the niceties he extends to her, and for his comedy routine that he hopes to achieve grand success with. After exiting a heterosexual relationship, he dates a trans woman, and struggles to come to terms with both the emotional fallout from that, and thereafter his sexuality. That’s a lot for the viewer to ponder, and thats only a wee bit of what the series is about.

It challengers black and white, binary thinking. The series puts a line through he “vilification of perpetrator, glorification of victim” narrative that has become the mainstay of many a mediocre series. Crazy stalker lady: bad, and stalked victim: good, surely? Well no, not this time. The stalker, Martha, is depicted as the kind of person who is nice enough, but you imagine she would be hard to be around even if she wasn’t stalking you. The many textures of her character are balanced, so although she is a villain in the story, she is deserving of some sympathy. The target of her (affection? desires? stalkeriness?) is presented as a thoroughly flawed, complex person - not a virtuous victim by any stretch. But yet we still manage to understand him.

Self destruct. For anyone who has never borne witness to, or experienced, the kind of self loathing that leads to self destruct, it is hard to imagine why a sane person would consistently go back to someone who is subjecting them to the dregs of human behaviour. Donny demonstrates why. It is the belief that this person, his oppressor, sees his true potential, and will lead him to a life better than the one of mundanity that he currently inhabits that leads him back. He has nothing left to lose, and desperately clings to the false hope that is offered to him.

It forces the viewer to ponder how the mix of circumstance, bad decisions, limited options, and dashed hopes and dreams results in these messes in life.

The dance between mental illness, decency, and the law. It addresses mental health, and when that crosses the line from illness, to offence. Donny felt conflicted turning to police, knowing that his stalker needed help. He felt hypocritical to report her and not other malign crimes he was subjected to. It encourages us to consider different grades of crime, intent, and if the legal or prison system is the best place for such offenders.

It explores family dynamic. For much of the series Donny resides with his ex-girlfriend’s grieving mother, under the condition that he “never bring chaos to her door”. He is grateful for her presence in his life. She is his family, albeit in the unconventional sense. When he finally turns to his own family, full of shame, they handle it - clunkily at times, but they manage. It questions if blood lineage is the only prerequisite for “family”, and also serves a bastion of kindness in the world in the mix of the convoluted morality.

When someone sees you as the person you came here to be, you notice them; you notice them noticing you.

Ego. Donny describes how at times he is flattered by the attention given to him by the stalker. She laughs at his jokes and makes him feel funny. She shows up at his gigs and her laughter is contagious. He describes how “she reached into the darkest pockets of his personality and turned them to light”. Her eyes on him reflect a version of himself that he likes better than the one he’s sees in the mirror. Again, for many people it is hard to imagine self esteem plummeting so low that this gratification overrides sensibility. But this show demonstrates it neatly and rationally, in a way we can make sense of.

It is a lot. For those of us here that find it too much - you’re probably either very lucky, to have lived a life never having come anywhere close to such horrors. Or you’re very unlucky, as it strikes too close.

There has been an online scrum to discover the real life identities of the characters. It seems like online sleuthing has become a sport, with disregard for the fact that it may be a blood one. As a practice it overlooks the point of art.

Please please tell me, what did everyone else think?

In other news, I’ll be back in your inbox on Wednesday with the monthly round up - including the monthly 3*3 from fashion and culture, and a musing on a crisis of confidence that is threatening to settle in. Fun stuff from the month will be thrown in too - there has been some of that!

Until then

Big love

Una

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