Polling Stations? Lolling Stations, More Like.

Election Batshittery that had nothing to do with politics.

Yes yes I know, everything is political. But there’s enough discourse in that world and on the polemic forums without dwelling on that here. What I do want to talk about is some of the stuff that went on this week that was less about the parties being returned, and more about curious examples of human behaviour. They say politics is showbiz for ugly people - which is a bit harsh, but I’ll accept the first part of the adage as true, that politics is a kind of showbiz. And the showbiz characters involved, from the election candidates to the commentators, well, they lost the run of themselves a bit, didn’t they?

SO here are the things that tickled me, while I stayed up much too late, snacking on popcorn, drinking it all in. Rock and Roll.

**Eagle eyed readers will note that this isn’t the post I had planned for today - it was meant to be a “what I wore this week” (how about that for a pivot) - but stay tuned! That is coming on Wednesday.

Kisses From Ian Paisley Jr

There’s always one, whose reaction is ungracious. One who hasn’t practised their losing face enough, hoping not to need it. One whose ill spirit gets the better of them. This election, that one was DUP’s Ian Paisley Jr. He defiantly marched into the polling station, ignoring security and refusing to pause for an ID check for one his entourage. He lost the seat that has been held by him or his father for 52 years - and defiantly marched straight out again, this time ignoring the beleaguering of tenacious reporters. He didn’t even break stride to make his only acknowledgement of the baying crowd - to blow a kiss.

Wow.

Unravelling Panellists

I couldn’t help but mentally chart the decline of chirpiness of the discussion panelists and presenters over the course of the night. At about 3am Krishnan Guru-Murthy got through an entire segment describing, in detail and with impetus, how Rishi Sunak had just announced his intention to stand down as party leader. Only at the end did it dawn on his fellow panellists to point out that that indeed had not just happened at all. His response? “Oh. Never mind”.

As the hours wore on, interval make up “touch ups” got heavier handed and the end result was that they all took on the appearance of one recently embalmed. Emily Maitlis tried to discreetly leave the studio, like a kid in the classroom leaving for a dentist appointment - before abandoning the attempt to conceal it and clumsily clocking off as commentary continued. Those who usually are so eloquent, and enunciate with crystal clarity struggled to find the end of their sprawling sentences. For any of us who have ever had to do a work thing on little sleep - it’s reassuring, that it happens to the pros.

Umbrella Warfare

The umbrella commentary was off the scale. Panellists wondered if it would be raining, pointing out that interviewees should really have an umbrella. The interviewees who had an umbrella declared “I have an umbrella!” with the kind of triumphalism reserved for, well, winning an election. “Ohh they’ll want to have an umbrella” presenters would say, when filling time between shots, to murmurings of approval of all in the studio. Akshata Sunak stood in the wings, on Downing Street, before departing for the last time, clutching one - cue further murmured approval.

I wish I could file it under overkill of a joke, but it became more like positioning the humble umbrella as a symbol of competency. There is no way that isn’t weird.

Pink Suits

Stylist/inner monologue to panellist/presenter: “So for election night, the biggest night on the political calendar, and one that will crop up in history, you’ll want to lean into your femininity, but still convey your strength. What to wear? I KNOW! I’ve found the PERFECT suit - it’s PINK and it is TAILORING! MAGNIFICENT !”.

Repeat.

Perfectly rational thought process, of course. And wayyy better than grey/navy suits that all men seem compelled to wear. But it created the unfortunate optics of a fleet of uniformed women being stationed across the channels.

Sandwiches

On the very last day of campaigning, when, in the interest of the craic, Rishi Sunak was asked on “This Morning” what his favourite food was, he answered in earnest “sandwiches”.

I mean, the man has a point, and to be fair, the sandwich discussion is a good one (does this cover burgers? What about Philly Cheese Steak? Crusts on or off? Avocado on toast?), but all the same, REALLY?? SANDWICHES??

Tom Cox

pointed this one on notes too - saying what we were all thinking. That man has a knack for that.

Novelty Political Parties

Count Binface, The Official Monster Raving Loony Party, Nick the Flying Brick, and someone dressed as Elmo, or The Honey Monster, or someone or other, shaking hands with the new Prime Minister. All legitimate candidates. IMAGINE how much these characters, who I imagine run just for the sheer hell of it, annoy the stiff upper lipped types. IMAGINE.

What a world, people. What a world.

Back Wednesday, with all the outfits.

Big Love

Una

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